~ Lou Costello wants to buy a computer.

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals and track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START" ...

~ Redacciones de inglés (III)

Habla sobre algo que te haya ocurrido durante una celebración.
(Obviamente. ¿Cómo habría servidor quedarse en eso? Let's do the Hustle!)

"It was a small wedding like any other in a small road chapel at Alburquerque, New Mexico. We went there to stay at one of my best friends' wedding, who I hadn' seen for ages and was pregnant (by th way, she was the bride. Just in case you haven't noticed yet)

She was going to maryy with a young guy from the town.

She was altmos saying the waited "Yes" when suddenly somebody entered in witha abig noise. The face of my friend (which, by the way, was quite pretty and looked almost like Uma Thruman) was showing a expression of terror. We all turn our heads and see it directly:

There were David Carradine, dressend like a ninja, with three young smoking hot femme-fatales carriying machine guns.

They killed us all, but they didn't noticed that he bride was alive when they left. If you haven't seen the whole first film I'm not going to tell you anything about what happened to her baby.

So, each day, I give thanks to God that all of this story I've told you was only a product of the imagination of Quentin Tarantino."

~ Redacciones de inglés (II)

Últimamente me da mucho por contar mi vida, pues tal ha sido el influjo que mi hermano y su diario han creado en la misma, que desde entonces cada vez que me pongo a relatar algo, me acuerdo irremediablemente de él.

Y si no de él, de Garcilaso de la Vega, y su cierto soneto.

Ya sabéis, uno que mete arcaísmos por doquier...

Decía. El texto subsiguiente refiere a una hazaña acontecida en estío, el gran estío que fue el pasado.
Pues bien. No estoy seguro si explicarlo o pasar directamente a la redacción.

De modo que, seguiré el institno.

Apartado 1: Tengo sueño.
Apartado 2: Me da mucha desidia.
Apartado 3: Me da que no.
Apartado 4 y último: AJO, AGUA Y RESINA!!*



Dos puntos:

"Once upon last summer, my friend Adrian, his cousin (I can't remember his name...) and I took a bus in Lugones, which would take us to that famous shopping centre designed by Santiago Calatrava. It was a really sunny day, and many young people were on the bus waiting to go out, on the streets of Oviedo or maybe going to the swimming pool.

There, three strange guys entered in the bus. They were about sixteen years old, dressed like rappers (or maybe like rapists, I'm not sure), and us if we were headbangers. They also said that they liked a lot heavy metal and punk. I haven't got and idea of why we were talking about that sort of things.

They get out of the bus 3 stops earlier than us.

BUT

When we thought all danger was over, one of them appeared on the street and stuck his whole face on the window.

It scared the shit out of us, because that douchebag was ugly as Hell.

I SAID
"

*A joderse, a aguantarse, y resignación.

~ Aviso a navegantes.

We had gone for a coffee at that little café at the old part of the town when suddenly a man came running and asked for a cigarette. We answered that we were so sorry, and all of us entered to the café.

But... OhMyFuckingGod!! There were some people smoking marihuana!!
(Did I mention that we were spending our holydays at Amsterdam?)

We stood inside for long hours, almost the whole afternoon, when we noticed that we were quite hungry. We scaped form that place and didn't stop until we saw a mighty expensive chocolate shop.

When I noticed, we had run out of money. About 300 euros were wasted on chocolate.

Conclusion:

DO NOT TAKE DRUGS

(you may get high, stoned... or even constipated...)






By the Way
Underrated film "Candy", from 1968
Marlon Brando, Walter Matthau and Richard Burton
Underrated band "Chocolate Watch Band"
from 1968 too.

Whadafuck?

ENUNCIADETION OF DE EJERCICIUS:

Imagine you are a journalist or news redactor. Write a notice you would like to spread to the world:

[[Muy bien, esto se arregla con escritura automática. A ver qué sale]]

CHAN-CHAN!

"Good Afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, we must begin with today's most featured news:

This morning, the president of the United States of America, Al-Gore, has arrested Osama Bin Laden totally by his own, as witnesses swear.

The well known terrorist and arch enemy of the country admited he thought that being hidden at Beberly Hills would be a nice idea. When police asked him "Why?" he declared that's because in L.A. there were many things to do and many places to go. Poor idiot. God bless his soul.

As an answer to this offensive undercover strategie that has put our country almost in Def-con 3, Al-Gore added that all shoemakers of Frisco are as wonderful as sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.

They both went together to the next police station, but decided to have a break at the YMCA while singing the greatest hits by the Village People.

So, we will have to wait 9 months to know the result of this rather impious union.

(God hates gays. Don't you know?)

BREAKING NEWS, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!!

Lazy Town has just been destroyed by aliens with massive-destruction weapons!!
...
...
Well...

Who gives a Shit?